TRAUMA LOOPING IN CYCLES OF DESPAIR

Trauma looping in cycles of despair 

A world looked so round until I found myself going in circles 

Searching for the end of the earth when all I ever wanted was the end of life 

Transcending the bounds of the human experience

My soul wants exit through the throat 

Why has life bounded me to such relative cycles that I cannot see

Tortures that aren’t even mine and I despair 

My emotions are locked and loaded and neither I or the drug can access them 

The drug 

I seek the drug that will unlock the coding that has kept me prisoner for lifetimes

Looping 

Cycles

 That aren’t even mine .. I despair 

Punching the walls until my fists are numb with dry blood 

Blood less life a spirit exists to only desire exit upon change that cannot be found here 

I despair 

To only find myself in pairs that don’t fit , an unfit match 

I cradle a broken baby who is afraid and shamed for being a mindless child 

With a compass leading to a place hidden from pains, where the pain is actually happening 

 I despair 

The Guilt

Born into guilt and sin and a looping moon who takes me on a ride and the tide is shifting  getting darker

I dive deep into the tide to never seek light 

To die deeper into light not founded by the wholesome souls who are broken in billions of pieces and we despair 

As a whole searching for broken hearts and pieces that are stolen 

A trick so ugly and deceitful one worries why 

Where am I ?  Broken into a million pieces and the whole is never found alive 

I despair 

Lies 

Lying to myself over and over looking for the grand scheme 

The access point, the exit point where all the non sense becomes useful sense 

And a creation can be made that is so horrid in description and I fit the look 

The lies of the Light , found 

Not here 

Its dark 

& I despair .

xo

Janiece